Monday, November 17, 2008
On a lighter note, I am just so happy and relieved that I'm officially done with GSC! :D After a year's of hard work, extra lessons, and last week's super-intensive last revision, today's paper wasn't so bad after all. :) Almost all the questions that laoshi spotted came out and the topic for compre was super similar to a past year paper that I did! Too bad I didn't revise that mindmap that I did, if not I bet I could hanve answered the questions better.
haha. Oh and guess what? I think that the indian invigilator is actually the actor from the Channel 5 sitcom calefare! So cool right? Only that I seem to be the only one to realise that, hmmm, probably because I'm the english-pai one in my class! haha. Anyway, that was just a little highlight.:D
After we were done with the paper, one of our classmates went around saying " see you next year in the caf!" haha. I thought that was very funny!! I guess it's good that we got to clear our H1 this year then I can concentrate on 'bettering' my H2s. especially for bio next year. I wann do well. I hope next year come feb or march, I'll be receiving my PW, Jap and GSC results happily. :) Till then, I'll be praying hard!
I feel so much freer now that my exams for the year are finally over. After "ren-ing" for so long, suppressing my urge to just want to holiday with my other friends after PW, I can finally, rest assuredly do so!
Tmr after dance i'll be going for the opening at Waseda Shibuya Senior High. Hope I won't lose my way! It'll kickstart the 3-day local immersion at this local japanse school. Bet it's gonna be really enjoyable! And it'll be a great chance to brush up my jap speaking skills before I fly off to Japan in dec!
changeme.
10:03 PM
I just can't stand it any longer. I've been dismissing my sister's complains about her CCA as just little whines and grumbles about the joys and sorrows of CCA life. But after I found out the source of her misery, I am just so very APPALLED at the calibre and state of her CCA leadership!! This kind of leaders who misuse their power do not even deserve to be respected or even called one! I am not criticising based one a one-sided story. I was a senior of her current leader and I know fully and clearly how this particular leader slacks big-time during our practices. At that time, we were being nice to her when we just let her be, just making sure she gets her notes right. And now? She has the cheek to scold my sister for taking a few minutes of rest time??? What has the CCA come to? that they should overlook such serious misuse of power. This leader's best friend happens to be in-charge of an activity that my sister takes part in. And this other girl has be depriving the group of juniors under her charge of sufficient rest. While other groups get at least 5 minutes of rest time while doing vigiorous physical activity under the scorching sun, my sister's group only gets a minute! This is not about unfair treatment but of how these leaders misuse their power to the extent that they completely disregard the welfare of those under their charge. These leaders complain that their juniors do not give them enought respect. My question to them is, " Do you give your juniors enough respect yourselves, such that you demand their respect? Are your actions and behaviour worthy of respect?" If they are, I don't see why your juniors do not give you the resepct that you deserve. However, the reality is the opposite. Please reflect on your own actions before you misuse your power and 'dish out' scoldings as if they are the source of your pleasure. Even if the juniors do make mistakes I seriously do NOT think that constant, unthinking scolding would cause them to make positive changes but will only backfire. Do these senoirs really deserve the respect that they want to claim or do they just feed off the misery of those under their charge?
It pains me to see my sister in such torture. To me, CCA should be a fun thing. An outlet for creative expression and enjoyment besides mundane studying. But looking at the state of leadership in that particular CCA now just makes me think otherwise. I really really think that the CCA needs major changes. Or else, just please do something to rectify the wrong attitude some of the student leaders.
I do not have any dislike towards the CCA nor do I want to discredit it. Although I've experience my fair share of 'difficulties' with some of my seniors but that has not disrupted my overall enjoyment in the CCA.
I sincerely appeal to the student leaders of this particular CCA to relfect upon their leadership skills and attitudes and make effective and positive changes to preserve and uphold the good name that their predecessors have built.Only then, can they truly be called leaders and be deserving of respect.
Leaders do not just bark orders. They serve to lead. Most importantly, they are humble and do not misuse the authority bestowed upon them.
changeme.
6:44 PM
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Thank you Mei Ting and Chee Yang for teaching me dance steps today! :)
To Mei Ting: thanks for being so patient! :D (I think you'll make a very good dance teacher!)
To Chee Yang: thanks for demo-ing the steps while I wrote them down! (^^)
haha. I promise I'll practise the steps! (fingers crossed behind my back)
I feel so horrible that I missed dance practices and will have to miss more cos of The Waseda Local Immersion next week. It's not good. :( I'll miss out in Zaki's syf steps and Ms Wee's technique classes. I'll be so behind the rest of them...hmmm...have lots of hard work to do.
But meanwhile, it's GSC first. A level paper next monday! Oh bless my soul.
so till then, I've have to change from 日本語を話している to 讲华语! :)
到时候再见了!
changeme.
10:29 PM
Oh my. I can't believe that I'm such a cuckoo head! :( I was such a silly milly bead today that I actually mised up my exam venue! And it's the As!! Oh my. I'm like the ultimate.
Ok, here's what happened. All along, that is from the oral onwards, I was always under the impression the all my jap papers would be held at the centre itself. I mead, afterall, oral and listening werer held there plus I take my lessons there. Who would have taken note of the subtle difference in number? Tell me who?! Sigh. I guess I can blame no one except myself for this blunder...argh, can't believe I was stupid. I was thought those pple who can actually mix up their exam timing were careless to note check before hand, now I've joined the gang! haha. >_<>
My heart started to flutter with panic. I checked my entry proof. I realised something was seriously seriously wrong when I saw that the venue code for PW was the same for Jap written! I felt like I was living a bad dream! It was 7:07am then. Oh some auspicious time for such a major mix-up. I started to panic. like how, man, how could I make such a mistake! I packed my things and started my marathon/ brisk walk like made to the J8 bus stop. Managed to call rebekah to confirm the venue again, then Xin Ying. I was like praying the how way for God to let Bus 13 come soon but not before i reached the bus stop. I know, my prayer sounds so demanding but I was desperate.
Finally got on the bus. OH my, the ride was like the most nerve-wrecking journey I've ever had, And my stomach chose to feel a little stomach-achy at that time. I was still picturing in my mind, how when I reached the second level in school, I would first run to the toilet no matter what. haha. On the way, I was still receiving good luck smses from my well-meaning jpa classmates. little did they know that I was battling against time! I figured that if I was late, I wouldn's lose out lot cos the paper was 2hours45mins, that's quite a lot of time.
Anyway, after I alighted, i resumed the next half of my marathon. I was really walking like mad. Didn't occured to me to run cos I guess I lose more energy that way. Walked all the way to the CC then I saw the shutters down, I was like What?! How come it's not opened yet? Had to make a detour and thankfully I managed to find my way to the side gate and finally up to the second floor to see Xin Ying and Rebekah outside. I was like PHEW! I had could've died if the side gate was locked. It would have been another long long walk to the front (ask me, I've walked that way like twice, it's really really far.)
So yup my little expedition of sorts ended safely in school. I reached at around 7:45am. Wasn't late. Seeing how I amazingly mixed up my exam venue and then amazingly still managed to not be late for the paper, I should be more thankful to God, more than just laughing at my mistake and complain over what happened.
I mean, if it wasn't for God, I could've been sleeping at the bus stop till like 7:30 and by that time I would be super super late for the paper.
If He hadn't planted that "Eh? something's wrong!" thought in my head, I wouldn't have decided to check my entry proof or called to check.
If it wasn't for God, the bus wouldn't have come just a little faster just so that I could save those little minute.
If it wasn't for Him, who'd watching over me all this while, all my life through, to protect me from dangers unseen, seeing that I'll survive blunders like these and tide through my life storms.
Today's expedition of sorts taught me more than just being more careful and alert especially when it comes to exam details. It taught me not to take God's existence for granted, not to take His grace, His faithful watching-over, His protection for granted. But to really treasure it. It made me love God more. Not just for all the wonderful wonderful things He does. Not for the things He does. But just for who He is. The amazing God who watches over and protects His children. The God of LOVE who forgives and accepts each and every one of us, no matter how undeserving we are, how ugly, fat, unpopular we think we are. He loves us just as we are and it is only right that we love Him back.
Lord, I love YOU. I really do. Lots and Lots. A thousand times over. :)
Thank you for loving me so much more, more than I can love you back. Lord, THANK YOU.
changeme.
9:29 PM
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Jap listening is this Friday!!! and I'm still so unprepared. Next wenesday will be paper 2 and then GSC the following monday. I know I should really stop slacking and study for them...but I can't seem to get over the fact that while my friends can pour their hearts and enjoy their CCAs and hols, I'm still trapped trying to prepare for exams! Idon't know why I feel this way. I know it's a wrong thinking. And my mom really tries to encourage me by telling me to look at the long-term benefits. But I guess, right now, I allowing my emotions to take over me which is wrong!! :'(
I need to shake out of all these and realign my focus. I realise that I haven't actually been in touch with God. The major excuse would be of course PW...BUT the major reason would be my laziness. IK guess, it's during such timne, when all seems to be going well, that I always tend to leave GOd of the picture. Just like what Ms wee, mentioned today about my inability to do doubles because it has already become a habit for me to want to put down my leg before I do two turns. The thing about these two things is that I concoiusly know that they are bad and it has become a habit. But what am I doing to change it? Do I even wnat to change it? I think these are questions that I have to ask and answer myself. It's like God gave us, gave me, the ability to actually see my mistakes, that is with the purpose and intention that I may effect some change upon them. But what am I doing? running away and avoiding!
Sigh. There's really alot of hard work and heart work to be done....I guess it's really time for me to shake and wake up. And start making some changes to my life. To throw away my old life and start living a life that is of honour to God. To really stop thinking that "you(I) can do everything ok!" and start relying on God. Nothing can ever succeed without God. And since I know this for a fact now I've got to live as if I really know it.
It's like smth that I read, if we just simply read God's word without even attempting to apply it in our live, or to even really believe it. We are like the man who sees his reflection in the mirror and simply walks away.
I guess God is implanting these thoughts into my head to give me an inner wake-up call. And now it's up to me to take that step forwrd, to make the decision to say once again, "Lord, I wanna follow you. Please help to seek you in all that I do. And to stop thinking that I'm w wondergirl of some sort! Help to allow You to be my guide. That you may be the reigning King of my heart and my life."
changeme.
9:08 PM
Saturday, November 01, 2008
I don't know what it started. But it's like for as long as I remember, or maybe it's these few recent years it's like she started having this impulsion to want to inflict physical pain on others, to use violence to express and exert her anger on others. She evolves into some monster that I don't know. And it scares me. Usually she is your nice, caring, proctective person. But when she is irritated, frustrated or angry, oh really, please watch out. I feel super mean speaking about her this way. But it really scares me. Swear words that I swear I never dreamt would come from her or spewing out of her mouth. She probably is unaware that she does this when she hopping mad. But it's just too scary how someone can evolve in almost a complete someone else when anger overtakes you. You lose control of your tongue and your hands. You go hysterical and start hitting people. You scream and shout. Your eyes are flashing with intense anger.
Maybe I should really stop irritating you so much. Then anger may stop rearing its ugly head in my face. I utterly detest violence. And I don't want to detest you that same way.
It's just all so scary and frightening at the same time.
I wonder if we are all who we are when we let anger seep into our hearts and hijack our speech, thoughts and actions.
God says that revenge is for Him to take. That wrath belongs to Him. Then why do we still get angry? What do we do when this horrible detestable feeling wells up inside of us, willing us to explode and spew hot viscous lave all over?
I guess it takes a lot of initiative and self-conciousness on our part to lift to God these yucky feelings. Pardon me for the lack of better vocabulary. YUCK is probably the most appropriate word for me to sum up the feeling that anger gives me. It makes me feel yucky on the inside that I'm actually capable fo such hatred and anger. Yucky for you at the receiving end. God is probably feeling disgusted in heaven at the sight of His creation on Earth engage in such emotions and violent exchanges.
May God remove the anger and hatred in all of us. And replace in us a new heart, clean hands and renew a right spirit within us.
May the Lord God Almighty help me, her and the rest of us here on Earth.
changeme.
8:49 PM