Friday, June 22, 2007
It's hard. Oh, its so hard sometimes that I feel like exploding. I know I can't or I'm not supposed to. I pray deep breaths and counting to ten will help. I'd never thought I'll be going this anger management kind-of-thing. sigh. What I need now is more let-out space and much more self-discipline. God help me, I pray.
changeme.
10:21 PM
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Ballet was good today. :D haha. At first, geraldine was worried that there were only like four pple in class today, cos everybody elsa went on holiday! luckily, a few others came later. Anyway, we got to enjoy the benefits of having a small class!
OH. Here's special advance thanks to vanessa too, for agreeing to study and tutor me next monday! I really need all the help I can get for A math and chem!
Just so glad today. Think it's because I now have God's peace and assurance in me! :D Thank you God. One thing that I really look forward to when Sunday comes around is that I get to give praise, thanks and worship the Lord. But, sometimes it's also important to remind yourself that worship is more than an experience, it has to come from deep within the heart and not the lips. Like focusing on God more than than the music and lyrics. Yup. Still working on that !
changeme.
6:42 PM
Saturday, June 02, 2007
You Let Go.
There are times that you want to cry
You have no strength to hold back the tears
You let go
And maybe explode
A little
The world's spinning.
Everything that surrounds is a whirlwind.
Ther's no control
You loosen your grip
You let go
And spiral downwards
Right to the bottom
Sounds are muffled
Silent screams
Stifled
You wonder
About your existence
And if it'd all
Really mattered
You let go
Really let go
And fall
Not down
But up
Into your Father's arms
You let go
Fear unfounded
Love, Peace and Mercy
All surrounds
You let go
But He, the Mighty One
Will always
Hold you close
And never let you let go.
changeme.
5:57 PM
Went for the Geography competition at NUS last saturday! wasn't really expecting much then...cos there were like other really good schools there. I was just going there to give my best and take a look at the FASS..cos there's where i want to be in a few years time!
haha. but my, did we have fun! Coming up with a plan for the marina bay and all!
And here's the greater surprise...we got into the second round of the competition --the Geotrail! :D Everybody's really happy and looking forward to it. Yup and as Mrs Koh said.."Top 30, you know?" haha. I'm just so glad.
Started revision and practice already. Things are going quite well...only that I don't think I'm putting enough effort. It's like I still get distracted ever so easily by almost anything and get tempted to give excuses for my occasional laziness..
And I'm feeling so cut off from God these days. You know how they say, you never know how it's like until you experience it yourself? I never thought I would experience this. I mean, yup there were moments when I did not seek God first...but it's not like now. Izzit because I've sort of am doing lesser Quiet Time. Argh. I don't know. It's like the hols now and my homework schedule is different from normal school days when Quiet Time comes before homework at night. Now I get home earlier and do homework first...Quiet Time drifts out of the picture... I really don't want to let God out of sight. It's just really too scary to picture my life without Him.
I've actually been thinking too..is this one of the times that God outs your faith to the test? Not the whether-you'll stand-for-your-faith kind of test but a test of your faithfulness to God in time like now-when He seems so distant and nowhere.
Ok. I've decided. I'm gonna start with tonight. Those excuse about different schedule is actually just to justify myself, in other words, excuses for myself...A faith that's real, true and strong is one that never quivers in face of challenges AND times of total 'quietness'. When there's no limelight, nobody to see and give praise, will you, will I still be able to keep that faith going, to keep that faith true, strong and real, to keep the passion burning strong in our hearts? I think this is a question that all of us to think about.
changeme.
5:49 PM