Saturday, November 01, 2008
I don't know what it started. But it's like for as long as I remember, or maybe it's these few recent years it's like she started having this impulsion to want to inflict physical pain on others, to use violence to express and exert her anger on others. She evolves into some monster that I don't know. And it scares me. Usually she is your nice, caring, proctective person. But when she is irritated, frustrated or angry, oh really, please watch out. I feel super mean speaking about her this way. But it really scares me. Swear words that I swear I never dreamt would come from her or spewing out of her mouth. She probably is unaware that she does this when she hopping mad. But it's just too scary how someone can evolve in almost a complete someone else when anger overtakes you. You lose control of your tongue and your hands. You go hysterical and start hitting people. You scream and shout. Your eyes are flashing with intense anger.
Maybe I should really stop irritating you so much. Then anger may stop rearing its ugly head in my face. I utterly detest violence. And I don't want to detest you that same way.
It's just all so scary and frightening at the same time.
I wonder if we are all who we are when we let anger seep into our hearts and hijack our speech, thoughts and actions.
God says that revenge is for Him to take. That wrath belongs to Him. Then why do we still get angry? What do we do when this horrible detestable feeling wells up inside of us, willing us to explode and spew hot viscous lave all over?
I guess it takes a lot of initiative and self-conciousness on our part to lift to God these yucky feelings. Pardon me for the lack of better vocabulary. YUCK is probably the most appropriate word for me to sum up the feeling that anger gives me. It makes me feel yucky on the inside that I'm actually capable fo such hatred and anger. Yucky for you at the receiving end. God is probably feeling disgusted in heaven at the sight of His creation on Earth engage in such emotions and violent exchanges.
May God remove the anger and hatred in all of us. And replace in us a new heart, clean hands and renew a right spirit within us.
May the Lord God Almighty help me, her and the rest of us here on Earth.
changeme.
8:49 PM