Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Jap listening is this Friday!!! and I'm still so unprepared. Next wenesday will be paper 2 and then GSC the following monday. I know I should really stop slacking and study for them...but I can't seem to get over the fact that while my friends can pour their hearts and enjoy their CCAs and hols, I'm still trapped trying to prepare for exams! Idon't know why I feel this way. I know it's a wrong thinking. And my mom really tries to encourage me by telling me to look at the long-term benefits. But I guess, right now, I allowing my emotions to take over me which is wrong!! :'(
I need to shake out of all these and realign my focus. I realise that I haven't actually been in touch with God. The major excuse would be of course PW...BUT the major reason would be my laziness. IK guess, it's during such timne, when all seems to be going well, that I always tend to leave GOd of the picture. Just like what Ms wee, mentioned today about my inability to do doubles because it has already become a habit for me to want to put down my leg before I do two turns. The thing about these two things is that I concoiusly know that they are bad and it has become a habit. But what am I doing to change it? Do I even wnat to change it? I think these are questions that I have to ask and answer myself. It's like God gave us, gave me, the ability to actually see my mistakes, that is with the purpose and intention that I may effect some change upon them. But what am I doing? running away and avoiding!
Sigh. There's really alot of hard work and heart work to be done....I guess it's really time for me to shake and wake up. And start making some changes to my life. To throw away my old life and start living a life that is of honour to God. To really stop thinking that "you(I) can do everything ok!" and start relying on God. Nothing can ever succeed without God. And since I know this for a fact now I've got to live as if I really know it.
It's like smth that I read, if we just simply read God's word without even attempting to apply it in our live, or to even really believe it. We are like the man who sees his reflection in the mirror and simply walks away.
I guess God is implanting these thoughts into my head to give me an inner wake-up call. And now it's up to me to take that step forwrd, to make the decision to say once again, "Lord, I wanna follow you. Please help to seek you in all that I do. And to stop thinking that I'm w wondergirl of some sort! Help to allow You to be my guide. That you may be the reigning King of my heart and my life."
changeme.
9:08 PM