Saturday, October 18, 2008
Promo results were released on thursday. I braced myself for the worst but yet at the same time, I tried to hand onto God's assurance. It was hard. It was really like Gloom Day. Almost everybody I met/ saw along the corridors were either had an comforting arm around someone or looking gloomy, with the rare smiling faces...'cause the scored like what As and Bs? >_<
ok, that aside. PW has been consuming my life. Yes, it has. It's not just churning out the WR. it's the relationships as well. I'm trying to tolerant, trying love and not hate. Yet my actions seem to contradict. I con't help complaining to all around me about how a certain group member is hard to work with. My tolerance fuel is running high and dry. What can I do if a particular individual is so uncooperative, only attempts to talk to you when the person feels like to, and has totally unpredictable mood swings. AHHHH! :'( Maybe I've amplified the flaws but that's what I see. Does it mean if a criminal is smart he gets pardoned and escapes punishment? I bet not. Then why is it so unfair? We slogged yet it seems like the other one has a definite edge over us? I can't help but feel angry, jealous, that it's so simply unfair.
I know that the Bible says that wrath belongs to the Lord and that revenge is for the Lord to take and not us. But I can't contain it any longer. So what if quality work is produced, the other one always misses deadline, give excuses, does not even actively attempt to participate in this group projectwork? Maybe God is training me to handle relationships according to His way and not mine. But it's like sometimes I just want to flare up and yell in the person's face and just throw in the towel. I feel so downright horrible and mean harbouring these thoughts even if I doubt I'd ever have the courage or boldness to do it. Thinking about it again, I'm glad I don't. I really don't think God will be very pleased about my attitude either.
God says to love your enemies. He says to love your neighbour as yourself. To love others just as He first loved us. He tells us that the love will come from Him and not ourselves. But it's still so so so tough. And I tempted to just run away from the problem.I just wanna escape and hide and pretend that the problem doesn't exist. I don't want to be two-faced or be a hypocrite. But how?
I need serious help here. I need to start really meaning it when I say I want God to direct and Guide me. Lord, please bless my relationships and make me a child the reflects Your love and glory. Help me Lord, I pray. Amen.
神、助けてお願い！！
changeme.
12:00 AM